Drunk Text Messages... of hilarity

(619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

(843): ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...

It’s called drunk texting and is currently grabbing hold of the Internet. 

Basically, anyone can go to this site and leave the texts that they’ve either sent or received. There’s no way to tell if any of them are authentic or not, but that’s not really the point. A lot of them are crap, so I’ll save you some time and just post the ones that made me laugh out loud…by myself…in a dark basement. I should’ve stayed in college!


More drunk text messages after the jump

(310): he wants to bone in the snuggie

(972): so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
(214): so how much did i say i owed you?
(972): $5 and a new fuck buddy.

(914): Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.

(773): Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper




(405): Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
(918): You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
(405): I wish there were wingman of the year awards.

(562): The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
(916): Awkward!
(562): No he was cute and I said yes!



404): FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
(1-404): haha good one..how did you even know?
(404): we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.

(206): So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?

(917): SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.

(773): I am going to be in the room when you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.

(323): You got in a fight last night?
(818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
(323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?



(413): I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on




(760): Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
(912): What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
(760): I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.

(570): So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
(330): I don't know you.

(314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.

(308): I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad

(612): What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?